Tried and Tired.

When I can't keep my emotions in place...


I always thought things would be easy growing up.
As a little kid, I wished to get older by the months not by the years.
Now that I'm turning 20 in 3 days,
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING.

When times are tough for me, I don't let others get affected by my problems.
I try to keep myself away when I'm at my worst, or divert conversations to somebody else's.
That's why I know I'm not the best companion.
But when my friends need me, I'm there.
When my boyfriend needs me, I'm there.
When my family needs me, I'm there.
When I need myself? I can't seem to find myself anywhere.

Along the way, I just stopped thinking about 'me'.
Thinking that maybe, just maybe, someone else would do that job for me.
To be honest, my life isn't as easy as some people may think.
Every relationship I have now, with anyone, is standing on a thin thread.
I make way for people to be angry at me.
I make way for people to hurt, betray and totally forget about me.
But even when they've done me wrong, I can't help but be hopeful and patient that things would be better.

I know I've had my fair share of mistakes in life.
I guess this is how life chooses to get back at me.
Just take away every bit of happiness I have left...